Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Fried Green Tomatoes & I can see Russia from here (Part 2)

There are two reasons this post is titled “I can see Russia from here.”

One being that we ate salmon caught in Alaska; Sarah Palin lives there and she can see other countries from her porch.

 The second reason is that on the way to Angela’s for dinner, the hubs and I had a strange encounter with a Russian.

As you all know, the in-laws are building a house (Lodge); they asked us to pick up a door they found on Craigslist for them.

I wish I had taken some secret camera phone shots to share because I can’t even begin to explain what this fortress looked like.
It was far beyond gaudy and elaborate.

(I included some photos that I found online that are in similar fashion to what was inside this home.)

The house was still in the finishing stages of construction but it was already completely over the top.
It had huge hand tiled mosaics and naked lady statues out front flanking the 15 foot windows over the entry.
A small Russian man appeared in the driveway when we pulled up.
It Turned out he was the builder and owner of the home.

After showing us the door we came to pick up, we complimented him on his extravagant house.
That was all it took for him to invite us inside for a tour.
He said we needed to be quick though, because his wife would be home soon and she didn’t like him showing the house to strangers.
(How weird , right?)

He took us inside and I’m pretty sure we were taken to another time and dimension.
This place was either furnished by a museum or Liberace on his world travels.
 I couldn’t decide.
It was basically completed, and packed with furniture and home décor.
No space was left untouched. Not a square inch lacked embellishment.

He pointed to a sign on the door that said something about being an Ambassador at the Consulate or something.
I thought it was a joke at the time, but in retrospect, I think he may have actually been a Russian Ambassador.
This place had 6 foot crystal chandeliers, layers upon layers of molding and up lighting.
Marble, granite, hardwood, gold, gold and more gold.
Huge paintings, mosaics, stained glass, faux finishes, Venetian plaster, artifacts, and hand painted scenery.
It was jam packed.
 It looked like Europe threw up in there.

 He told us the inspectors came to see his work and were so impressed they returned the following day with 10 people from the office to show them the house.
(For some reason, I doubt this was because of the exquisite craftsmanship , but rather because of how crazy bizzare this home was.)
Apparently the appraiser didn’t know how to categorize it because it had so many unusual and unique features.
He said  it could be anywhere from 3-5 million.

Every room we went into looked like a furniture store showroom but everything was from a different country and century .
Kind of like when you go in Cost Plus World Market except these pieces were all originals
(allegedly) and over 100’s of years old.
He said they travel a lot and buy items as they see them and then have it all shipped back.

Hand carved wood furniture with even more elaborate wood inlays
He had a huge 5x15 foot copper, hand carved, Asian art piece on the wall he told us was a one of a kind original.
 Then he pushed a button and down came a giant screen from a hidden ceiling mount to watch his 3D HD Projector on over the top of it.
Down the hall, the guest bath had a flat screen HD T.V. inside it along with a telephone.

 I’m just standing there like “Who is this guy!!? “
Next, he took us upstairs to see the bedrooms and we were rushing through so that his wife wouldn't catch  us.

He made sure to mention all the details had real Ivory inlays

Just then, she pulled into the driveway and spotted us through the window.
I noticed her giving her husband the stink eye.

I couldn't find the a photo of the real bed set he had, as I am sure it was one of a kind.
It had a profile of Christ carved into it.

He says “Uh oh, she is home, we must get downstairs!”
 Mind you, on this tour, I can barley understand half of what he is saying because his accent is so thick.
When we got to the landing, his wife greeted us.
Then she turned to her husband and they had a brief conversation in Russian.
I don’t speak a word of the language, but you know what?
 I knew exactly what they were saying to each other.
 It is funny how you can read people’s body language and the different ways they stress words.

 Her: Why are you showing our house to more people? They just came for a door!
 Him:  They wanted to see the house! I have been slaving over that cement fence all day, we should charge people for tours.
Her: No more tours, I mean it!
Him: Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
Her: Hahaha, I want a divorce.
So, we get on our way and load the door in the truck.
 The people you meet on Craigslist… wow!


1 comment:

Katia said...

This is hilarious! Boy would I like to be a fly on their walls. Why would a couple like that need to sell a door on Craigslist anyway?? Lol!