Friday, September 2, 2011

When I grow up...

Babies on kinda around and nearby the brain.
But the topic still seems so taboo.
Mostly because I am just a kid, or so I thought.

At what point am I supposed to start to feel like an adult?
I keep waiting.
When I was little, teenagers seemed like adults.
 I became a teenager, still felt like a kid.
When I was a teenager, my manager at work seemed like an adult.
I am now older than that manager, still feel like a kid.
I figured, once I graduated college, I would feel like an adult, nope.
 Once I got married, I would truly feel like an adult. Still don’t.
Once I have an adult job, once I make X amount salary, once I get a grown up car, once I …. What?!  
What turning point happens when I realize I am almost 30 and not 19.
Maybe it is because I am the youngest one in my office, or maybe it’s because I am the youngest one in my family.
Once I have a kid, will I feel like an adult?
Or will I still feel like my mother’s daughter… having a baby.
That stresses me out.
How can I be a good mom, if I don’t even feel like I should be a mom?

I love the show Teen Mom.
I have been watching 16 and pregnant since it started.
On numerous occasions I have been guilty of relating myself to the situations on the show.
Thinking, wow, I’m so glad that’s not me.
Then I realize, um hello?! You are 11 years older, that wouldn’t be you!
It is like I forget; I tie pregnancy into being this bad, awful burden.
Something to avoid at all costs because it will destroy your life.
Well, yeah, it will if you are 16!
Which I am not!

All my life I have been told by T.V., by parents, by teachers, by friends, “Don’t get pregnant”
Naturally this makes sense, because I was young, in school, unmarried and in no position to have a child.
 Now that I am “of age,” how do I shake the stigma that haunts me?!
 I still have in my head that, “I want kids, when I grow up”
Guess what? I grew up.
So, why do I still feel like I’m 18 years old.
Majority of my friends have kids and some are on their second and thirds.
They seem old enough to me.
 It doesn’t feel weird that they are parents and I view them as adults.

I am just having such a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I am 27 and a full fledged adult.
 I am married, I own a home, I have an adult job, I graduated from college.  
All of life’s stepping stones have been stepped on by my big old feet.
So what am I still waiting for?
Anyone else out there waiting to grow up?




8 comments:

Carly said...

YES. I feel exactly the same way. Granted, I'm not married, but even if I was I still don't feel old enough to have kids. Or anywhere near adulthood.

andrea said...

i'm totally on the same page. of course, not married (not even quite ready for that, personally) but growing up it was NEVER a question that i wanted kids....now that i'm approaching that age where it's not only acceptable, but almost expected to start on the whole marriage/children journey, i've found myself questioning what i really want in that dept. i'm responsible, have had the same job for almost 10 years, same house for 6 yrs., been in a long term relationship and live with my boyfriend, etc...but in some ways i still feel like a 22 yr. old.

Love, Chelsea said...

I have a kid and I still feel like a kid. It is weird, I feel like a mom, but also just...the same as I always did. I hope I never feel like an adult. Adults are boring ;)

Ms. Mae said...

dang..you totally hit it right on Gracie. Sometimes I still feel like that heck a lot of times. Even when I'm filing taxes or doing homework with Jason (my 1st grader) it is so surreal to think I could actually be an adult already?...but in reality I have been this whole time. But I think being adult doesn't mean you are ready for every ready for every obstacle to come your way. I think learning along the way and making mistakes to learn from. No one is ever prepared to have kids, it's all a learning experience even for those to have more than one.

Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

I remember having this conversation with myself years ago. I think having kids is a leap of faith. There is never a "right" time. Ya know? But I will tell you this, since having my son... I don't feel anything like a kid anymore. Not in the slightest. I'm the Mom now that runs around after my toddler telling him "no no no" and doing my best to be the adult example that he needs. And at this point, that feeling of being a kid myself is such a distant memory. Ha ha. I miss it.... sometimes. :)

Mademoiselle Poirot said...

Ha! I really know what you mean...and I'm way older ;-) I have a son and "play" mum (pretty well as far as I can tell) but I still don't feel completely grown up myself. Don't get me wrong, anybody looking at me would think I am a grown up and behave accordingly, but inside... different story.

It's not a bad thing, it means I'll never stop being curious about life.

Have a great week, Love from London xo

Nikki said...

I still feel like I'm in College, only I can't stay up as late. You're grown up, just young at heart. Plus you're a responsible, always have been so if it did happen to you I know you could handle it.

Lillies and Lace said...

OMG funny you should make this post. i was just thinking the same thing (not involving kids though) the other day about how i feel like i have the same maturity level i did when i was 12. i'm going to be a college grad in 6 months with a real job and i kind of freaked out thinking that i should be feeling more equipped to start paying my own bills and crap. good to know i'm not the only one having a bit of a conundrum.