Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I'm glad you are taking this seriously, Grace

The hubs and I starting our birthing classes this week.
I thought, it was a right of passage and something all new parents signed up for.
Apparently not.
After talking to almost all the new moms and pregnant ladies I know, it looks like I am the only one signed up!
With my history of anxiety and worry though, it only makes sense that I do everything I can to avoid a nervous breakdown. Knowledge is power, right?!

So far, I haven’t learned much I didn’t know, but they did make us watch a video.
A birth video.
It wasn’t nearly as gruesome as I remembered the birth video we were forced to watch in 7th grade though.
Unfortunately, what was seen, can not be unseen.

Anyway, let’s get to the part where my husband wants to pretend I am not his wife.

When we first got to class, we were instructed to write down what each of our biggest fears is.
Steve didn’t find my answer humorous when I quickly wrote down
“Not knowing who the father is” 
When I wrote this, it was in hopes that we would drop our cards into a hat and the teacher would then read them out loud and it would be anonymous.
 ( And hilarious)
Instead, we had to go around the room and read them ourselves, so as not to make Steve completely regret ever agreeing to come, I changed my answer.

I must say that even after changing it to something more conservative, it was still probably the most outspoken concern in all of the class.
Most of the expecting parents wrote things like:
 “I am worried about stretch marks”
“ I am worried about breastfeeding”
“ I am worried about getting to the hospital on time”

Then I get brutally honest and say:
 “I am worried I won’t like my baby, because I am really not a baby person...at all.”
 I am sure this mortified the majority of the class.

Leave it to me to bring up the taboo, the unmentionable, the unmaternal -istic of all concerns.
But, hey, that really IS my biggest worry!
I have never met a baby I fell in love with before, so how can I possibly fathom what it will be like to have an instant bond and love for this little screaming, pooping human?!

The rest of the class consisted of me goofing off and whispering things under my breath to Steve in response to what was being taught.
 He asked if  this was how I handled uncomfortable situations, making jokes of everything.
 ( i.e. “ That’s what she said” and sketching a baby popping out of it’s 10 cm space… ya know, the usual stuff. )

I said “No, I’m not uncomfortable, I am cleaver, I thought you knew this!”
But also, I was just plain bored.

Hopefully next class will be a little more intriguing.


Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

Ha ha wish you would have talked to me cause I would have told you that birthing classes are a waste of time! I foolishly signed up for one as well when I was pregnant with Bennett --it was lame. lol
As for your biggest fear of not liking your baby, I promise that won't happen. I had never "fallen in love" with a baby before my kids, either. And I wouldn't have considered myself to be a baby person. But after you have your own, things change. In all seriousness, your heart just opens and you love them instantly... unconditionally. You'll see :-)

Nikki said...

See I'm opposite. I love everyone else's babies ;)

Kiara Buechler said...

I wanted a natural childbirth, so my husband and I took Bradley classes. I too make silly jokes when uncomfortable, and while the instructor and other students looked at me funny my husband appreciated it. If nothing else, my classes made me feel even more empowered to labor and birth with no drugs. And even though labor didn't go exactly as hoped (does it ever?) I did do what I set out to do, I birthed a perfectly healthy baby with no drugs.

As for your question on whether you will like your baby, I can totally empathize with that. I was terrified of being a mother. I didn't think I had the mothering instinct. But the moment that vernix covered being entered this world I felt like a new person, and fell madly in love with being a mama.

Lillies and Lace said...

I probably would've said the other most inappropriate comment possible, "what if I have an ugly baby!!!!????"

Anonymous said...

Trust your gut. I thought I would never be able to love my child either before I had her. At first, I loved it "unconditionally" but eventually that love turned to spite and fear that I would end up as a horrible parent.

They are fun to dress up but it gets old. Your friends and family will be there for the first year or so, but eventually the novelty wears off.

You ahve 18+ years of raising a child. It's scary, stressful, and hardly rewarding.

My daughter is now 16 and I am ashamed that I am counting the days until she turns 18 and moves out.

At least you are in Washington, where there is more government assistance to raise a child. Until recently, I was in Texas where I swear they would rather see me in prison than be a parent.

I hope you do love your child, otherwise it's a long 18 years.