Monday, March 25, 2013

Let me be Frank

Or just let me be Gracie. 

 My blog is about being me and " keepin' it realz" So that is what I am gonna do. 
Except this post is about like babies and junk.
Not cats in sweaters or what I made for dinner.
I have been planning to do a number of posts that didn't sugar coat babies like so many people do.
 I just hadn't gotten around to it till now.

The other day I had a friend say to me
 " Your baby is always so clean"
after looking at my photos online.

 Clark is anything but clean. 
He is a baby!
 Babies are hot messes.

This got me thinking about what gets posted online and how it can be so deceiving.
I don't ever mean for it to be that way, but of course I only post the happy pictures! 
Not the crying tantrums.

It is so easy to be envious and jealous of people online. 
You can portray such a perfect life/ family/job/kids. 
Anything you want!

I know I get sucked into looking at other people's photos and basically romanticizing how their lives must be....when they are just normal sloppy people like everyone else.

This post is specifically about babies though.
The truth about babies!

Women says things to me like:
 "Babies are such blessings"
 "Being a mother is the greatest reward"
"Did you ever know you could love something so much?"
"I have always wanted to be a Mom"
" I loved being pregnant"
" I don't remember the pain of labor anymore"

Um, I am calling Bullshit.
Unless you are Michelle Duggar. 
In which case I think she actually really says and means all these things.

As a girl who wasn't exactly thrilled about babies, having a baby and was leery about the whole Mom thing, hearing all that baby shmoozing made me feel like the crappiest woman alive.

I thought I was the only one who wasn't thrilled to see YES on the pee stick.
I thought I was the only one who didn't think pregnancy was bliss.
I thought I was the only one who was indifferent about being a mother!

After much research and just being "frank" with other women I found that I am definitely not the only one.

In fact once I came out and said how I really felt about things, other woman seemed relieved to agree and let their guard down so to speak.

It seems that in society it is so taboo to feel the way I did/do.
Causing everyone to put up a front and pretends they don't feel that way.
Thus making all other woman in the same boat think they are horrible people.
Case in point: Me.

So I am taking one for the team. 

Here is a peek into my life, if you will.
A conversation I had with a friend about motherhood, learning to love my baby and what family really means to me.

To Gracie,

    You were really frank on the parenting board about how you felt towards having a baby, but I see nothing but happiness from you in your FB pics. I'm interested in hearing your journey.
My parents have been an issue for me. Really invasive and difficult. I've lived in a different country than my family since I started college at 18, so I'm super overwhelmed at the idea of having my mom here for so long. She insisted on carrying on the Japanese tradition of moving in with the daughter when she gives birth. I'm terrified. I love my privacy, but everyone says I'll be grateful that she's here. I'm hoping they're right. She wants to be here for over a month.
If you have the time, I'd love to hear about your journey through motherhood. Clark is so handsome.


To Anon,

  In the last 5 months i have definitely learned what all the parents were talking about when they say " time flies." Thanks for appreciating my frankness and not finding it offensive. First of all I would like to say that Facebook is deceiving. I mean, yes I am happy, but it's totally not all unicorns and cupcakes. Especially when you are sleep deprived, strung out... running on cereal and it's 3 am when you realize that you didn't pay a bill that was due that day and now you have a late charge.... ect.

 Anyway, my feelings were about 50/50 for the first 3 months I would say. I was smitten with him and could sit and watch him sleep all afternoon but I was also jumping at the chance to go to target alone when my mom stopped by to watch him.

I would have to agree with the people that are telling you that you will be grateful. It may be a bit awkward since it sounds like you guys lead a little different of a life style... but none the less she is your mom and she raised you, so let her help. My mom wasn’t  ever baby crazy ( I’m guessing that’s where I got it from) and she is obsessed with Clark. She is almost like a different person when she has him and is excited to be grandmother.

So maybe you will be surprised at how your mother acts when she is here.
Something I have learned since having Clark though is that I need to live in the moment. Things have already gone by so quickly that I am trying really hard to not take anything for granted. I know two girls who lost their moms this year and if that happened to me, I can’t even imagine what I would do.

Even though you don’t have a really close relationship and maybe you WILL be annoyed and she will violate your privacy , she won’t be around one day and if you don’t appreciate her in this moment you could look back and wish you had seen/done things differently.

Also it wasn’t until about 2 months ago that I really truly fell in love with Clark. For my husband it was instant but for me it wasn’t. Clark was just "there" and I had to take care of him and that was that. There wasn’t really much of an attachment. It was like I was babysitting a baby that just never left.

 Last month he finally started laughing and grabbing and knowing who I was. I finally figured out what his different cries mean and I know when he is tired or hungry before he even gets fussy. It’s so much less stressful now and I feel like such a better mom. I was sitting on the couch one night and I started crying because I was thinking about him and Steve asked what was wrong and I said " I miss Clark!" ( He was upstairs sleeping) So I went up there and looked at him. It was right then that I was like " Whoa I love this guy" I really wasn’t expecting it , but all of a sudden my heart was full. So don’t freak about any of your emotions. Things change on a daily basis and I struggled with depression and anxiety along with it but it all worked out.

 I didn’t believe anyone when they told me that I would fall in love with a baby because I don’t even like babies! But, eventually I did and you will too. It is okay if it takes a few months to happen too!  In my frankness with others ladies I have met, I have heard more often than not that that is the norm. It’s just that no one admits it because it's so taboo for a mom to admit!


To Gracie,

I wanted to thank you again for your honest response to my questions. I have to admit, I've gone back and read what you wrote recently to remind myself that all of this craziness is okay and it will pass. There have been some tough moments. The imbalanced hormones combined with sleep deprivation has been challenging to say the least.
I saw what you said about Steve in my own hsband. There was a total and complete instant love that he felt for our baby. I still have moments of "What the F have we done?!" race through my head. But I look at him most of the time and can't believe how many things had to go right in order for him to be here. I'm looking forward to our bond getting deeper as time passes.
So thanks for all of your input and advice! Having my mom here has been great too. We can leave whenever we have to and she adores her grandson.

-      Anon

Friday, March 22, 2013

Ladies night at Columbia Winery

This actually happened a few months back but I just now found the photos!
I guess I could have lied and said it was last weekend so it would seem like I am way more on top of my blogging.
It's not like any of you would know the difference I suppose.

I like to make it seem like I am being honest on here though. 
So I will tell the truth....
Or will I?!

A friend of mine is a very special wine club member at the Columbia Winery over in Woodinville and she was invited to a Ladies Night event they were hosting. 
A few of us came along as guests and had a fun night out. 
There were vendors and goodies , snacks and photos and of course wine to sample!

Having a baby does this to you

of course I had to ruin the nice photo with my Toddlers and Tiaras pose...

but then it caught on

and things got weird

Pretty much the best one

The sisterhood of the traveling mustache

We look so "adult" in this photo!


Friday, March 8, 2013

It does exist!

I came across this gem at a baby store near my house.
I had seen this contraption in photos online of ridiculous baby gear but I didn't think it was a real thing because it's so strange!

Have you ever seen anyone wearing it in real life??

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Hey four eyes

I thought I was just getting old and finally following in the foot steps of everyone else in my family. I have been the hold out and only needed a pair of glasses for my tired computer eyes at work. 
Nothing else though.

(My Versace specials)

Recently I have been having issues focusing and it's really making me feel fatigued and tired.
I went to the witch doctor and this is what he said.
He said " ooh eee ooh ahh ahh..."
Okay, he didn't say that.

He said that I am probably having eye issues because of pregnancy and nursing.
One more wonderful thing that having a baby does to your body.
The list just keeps on going, I feel like every issue I have had in the last year is some how tied back to Clark!
Good thing he is so gawd damn cute.... or I would have to send him back.

The Dr. said he didn't want to give me a prescription because my eyes will just continue to change. 
Not necessarily in a bad way, but just different. 
So he doesn't want to do anything about it yet. 

That didn't stop me from trying on a few crazy frames.

I could only imagine someone like an elementary school librarian wearing these. 
I look good in almost all glasses  ( and hats) but I don't know that these are the most flattering look for me!

And the Grandma Spectacles

Would you wear any of these?!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

confucius say

Birthday Forecasts 

This year consisted of a fun gathering to celebrate another year of life on earth and to mix things up a bit..... I had a Psychic come to my house for readings. 
I mean, isn't that what most people do on their 29th birthday? 
Or any birthday for that matter? 
Okay, I know it's a little random, creepy and taboo.
But, I have been having readings done for years and find it enlightening and intriguing. 
I thought it would be a fun activity for everyone to participate in.
Whether they liked it or not!

Obviously I have an unhealthy obsession with cats and oddities
Obviously I have friends that know me very well
Obviously I am Rad

Some of my loot

A vintage mink fur cat head brooch

Cat leggings

Cat shirt

Parenting gone bad book

A reading in action!

My fabulous cake

There are a lot of skulls in this picture.
Hot dog.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Don't waste your time

Ya know what really gets me goin?!
What really yanks my chain?
What just makes my blood boil?
The chicks in Zumba class that are too lazy to actually Zumba.
I just don't get it. 

Begin Rant:
You made the effort to get yourself to class AND it's only an hour long. 
Why don't you make it worth it!?
 You're here, so just do it.
Otherwise, get outta my way!
9 times outta 10 when I am in class, I am giving it all I got. 
Yeah, we all have days that we are tired, sore, hungry and can't  push ourselves as hard, but there is a difference between that and just wasting time.
I see these type of girls in class every time I go and I absolutely hate being behind them. 
It actually makes me angry!
I know it shouldn't and I should just focus on myself and not care that they are a complete waste of space. 
I either want to walk up to them and yell like a drill sergeant to " straighten those arms, get those squats deeper, jump higher, have some energy!!!" 
These girls just stand there and go through the motions but don't actually DO the exercise.
It's like in dance when you mark the routine just to practice it.
 I think if I taught the class I would go nuts... or I would be walking around the room barking orders at people. 

I know these girls, made the first step in getting fit by showing up and that's great, we all applaud you for that. 
However, if that's where you are going to leave off, I don't want you here taking up space, blocking me in and distracting me! 
I know we are all at different fitness levels and I am not complaining that the out of of shape ladies should be Jane Fonda status, but they should be rockin out what they are working with!

I have just one hour to bust my butt and make it count.
 I stand behind these ladies and I'm  thinking " Come on, hit it! HIT IT!!! What are you doing? That isn't going to do anything for you!"

Yay! You just burned 50 calories and wasted everyone's time. 
Not to mention your own money to attend the class too!

I don't get why they bother coming.
You could do that crap work out at home in front of the T.V.
Do yourself a favor and take it to the next level please.
I am standing 3 feet away and sweating, breathing heavy and ready to pass out and I look over at you and your are all la di dah.