Monday, March 25, 2013

Let me be Frank

Or just let me be Gracie. 

 My blog is about being me and " keepin' it realz" So that is what I am gonna do. 
Except this post is about like babies and junk.
Not cats in sweaters or what I made for dinner.
I have been planning to do a number of posts that didn't sugar coat babies like so many people do.
 I just hadn't gotten around to it till now.

The other day I had a friend say to me
 " Your baby is always so clean"
after looking at my photos online.

 Clark is anything but clean. 
He is a baby!
 Babies are hot messes.

This got me thinking about what gets posted online and how it can be so deceiving.
I don't ever mean for it to be that way, but of course I only post the happy pictures! 
Not the crying tantrums.

It is so easy to be envious and jealous of people online. 
You can portray such a perfect life/ family/job/kids. 
Anything you want!

I know I get sucked into looking at other people's photos and basically romanticizing how their lives must be....when they are just normal sloppy people like everyone else.

This post is specifically about babies though.
The truth about babies!

Women says things to me like:
 "Babies are such blessings"
 "Being a mother is the greatest reward"
"Did you ever know you could love something so much?"
"I have always wanted to be a Mom"
" I loved being pregnant"
" I don't remember the pain of labor anymore"

Um, I am calling Bullshit.
Unless you are Michelle Duggar. 
In which case I think she actually really says and means all these things.

As a girl who wasn't exactly thrilled about babies, having a baby and was leery about the whole Mom thing, hearing all that baby shmoozing made me feel like the crappiest woman alive.

I thought I was the only one who wasn't thrilled to see YES on the pee stick.
I thought I was the only one who didn't think pregnancy was bliss.
I thought I was the only one who was indifferent about being a mother!

After much research and just being "frank" with other women I found that I am definitely not the only one.

In fact once I came out and said how I really felt about things, other woman seemed relieved to agree and let their guard down so to speak.

It seems that in society it is so taboo to feel the way I did/do.
Causing everyone to put up a front and pretends they don't feel that way.
Thus making all other woman in the same boat think they are horrible people.
Case in point: Me.

So I am taking one for the team. 

Here is a peek into my life, if you will.
A conversation I had with a friend about motherhood, learning to love my baby and what family really means to me.

To Gracie,

    You were really frank on the parenting board about how you felt towards having a baby, but I see nothing but happiness from you in your FB pics. I'm interested in hearing your journey.
My parents have been an issue for me. Really invasive and difficult. I've lived in a different country than my family since I started college at 18, so I'm super overwhelmed at the idea of having my mom here for so long. She insisted on carrying on the Japanese tradition of moving in with the daughter when she gives birth. I'm terrified. I love my privacy, but everyone says I'll be grateful that she's here. I'm hoping they're right. She wants to be here for over a month.
If you have the time, I'd love to hear about your journey through motherhood. Clark is so handsome.


To Anon,

  In the last 5 months i have definitely learned what all the parents were talking about when they say " time flies." Thanks for appreciating my frankness and not finding it offensive. First of all I would like to say that Facebook is deceiving. I mean, yes I am happy, but it's totally not all unicorns and cupcakes. Especially when you are sleep deprived, strung out... running on cereal and it's 3 am when you realize that you didn't pay a bill that was due that day and now you have a late charge.... ect.

 Anyway, my feelings were about 50/50 for the first 3 months I would say. I was smitten with him and could sit and watch him sleep all afternoon but I was also jumping at the chance to go to target alone when my mom stopped by to watch him.

I would have to agree with the people that are telling you that you will be grateful. It may be a bit awkward since it sounds like you guys lead a little different of a life style... but none the less she is your mom and she raised you, so let her help. My mom wasn’t  ever baby crazy ( I’m guessing that’s where I got it from) and she is obsessed with Clark. She is almost like a different person when she has him and is excited to be grandmother.

So maybe you will be surprised at how your mother acts when she is here.
Something I have learned since having Clark though is that I need to live in the moment. Things have already gone by so quickly that I am trying really hard to not take anything for granted. I know two girls who lost their moms this year and if that happened to me, I can’t even imagine what I would do.

Even though you don’t have a really close relationship and maybe you WILL be annoyed and she will violate your privacy , she won’t be around one day and if you don’t appreciate her in this moment you could look back and wish you had seen/done things differently.

Also it wasn’t until about 2 months ago that I really truly fell in love with Clark. For my husband it was instant but for me it wasn’t. Clark was just "there" and I had to take care of him and that was that. There wasn’t really much of an attachment. It was like I was babysitting a baby that just never left.

 Last month he finally started laughing and grabbing and knowing who I was. I finally figured out what his different cries mean and I know when he is tired or hungry before he even gets fussy. It’s so much less stressful now and I feel like such a better mom. I was sitting on the couch one night and I started crying because I was thinking about him and Steve asked what was wrong and I said " I miss Clark!" ( He was upstairs sleeping) So I went up there and looked at him. It was right then that I was like " Whoa I love this guy" I really wasn’t expecting it , but all of a sudden my heart was full. So don’t freak about any of your emotions. Things change on a daily basis and I struggled with depression and anxiety along with it but it all worked out.

 I didn’t believe anyone when they told me that I would fall in love with a baby because I don’t even like babies! But, eventually I did and you will too. It is okay if it takes a few months to happen too!  In my frankness with others ladies I have met, I have heard more often than not that that is the norm. It’s just that no one admits it because it's so taboo for a mom to admit!


To Gracie,

I wanted to thank you again for your honest response to my questions. I have to admit, I've gone back and read what you wrote recently to remind myself that all of this craziness is okay and it will pass. There have been some tough moments. The imbalanced hormones combined with sleep deprivation has been challenging to say the least.
I saw what you said about Steve in my own hsband. There was a total and complete instant love that he felt for our baby. I still have moments of "What the F have we done?!" race through my head. But I look at him most of the time and can't believe how many things had to go right in order for him to be here. I'm looking forward to our bond getting deeper as time passes.
So thanks for all of your input and advice! Having my mom here has been great too. We can leave whenever we have to and she adores her grandson.

-      Anon


Ms. Mae said...

LOVE this post!!

Angela said...

Beautiful story Gracie! And from the some-day to-be-mothers, this is great to hear!!! Thank you!

Lindsi said...

I love the truth in this! You are so right about everything being taboo...I struggle with a lot of these same things as well, and only a very small few know my true feelings! So NO! We are not alone! And it is OK to be selfish when you are constantly covered in spit up and drool 24/7!

Kiara Buechler said...

Great post. I have had so many people tell me they wish they had my life, because it seems so perfect. Ha! Far from it, but I don't want to post about every argument my husband and I have, the tantrums Dane throws, or the lack of sleep from having a newborn. I'm glad you were able to help Anonymous, I hope things go well for her.